So I lost my Grandma today...

My Grandma turned a hundred a few years ago.  It was pretty neat to see the longevity on that side of the family.  Here older sister is still here at 105 and was able to make it to the party.

Once someone reaches 100, you always know in the back of your mind that every time you see them, and every conversation you have might be the last. I figured that when her time did come that it would be a little...I don't know, easier, I guess.  I hate to use that word, but you know what I mean.  I've always been so proud of my family heritage, and I respect my Grandma so much that I assumed when she passed we would celebrating her life more than mourning her death.

While that is true in a sense, I underestimated the mourning part.  No matter what, it still sucks when people die.  No matter how emotionally ready you might think you are, it still hurts.

For me, that immediate grief that hits comes in the form of regrets.  I regret that I only came to visit her a few times a year.  I regret that my son didn't get to know her better.  I regret that I never made it out to the farm with my daughter.  I regret that I never asked her what she though about the Pre-Vatican II Church, even though I've wanted to for a decade.

I know that's normal, and maybe even in some ways healthy, but I think it's best to let go of those regrets and instead remember the better things over the last year couple of years.  I had a great chat with her on the phone last Easter.  My two-year gave her a really big hug on Christmas.  The little guy likes Batman, so I shared stories with him about when Grandma would were a blue robe and I would wear a little yellow blanket and we'd run through the hallways playing Batman & Robin.  I remember playing "Hide the button" with her and Grandpa.  And I remember her and my aunt Kathy laughing at the TV ads for Friday the 13th Part 4. ("Jason's unlucky day")  Don't ask why I remember that one, but it's always brought a smile to my face.

She didn't suffer much at the end, and I'm grateful for that.  And even more so, I'm grateful knowing we don't need to worry about her at this point.  I know she's with our Lord in Heaven.  I know she'll be reunited with my Grandpa.

And I hope she'll be able to look down on me and my family every now and then.

And I hope we make her proud.

 Goodbye Grandma B.